Archive for July, 2008
How Homeschoolers Differ
In my earlier post about teens and drinking, Tim said:
I wouldn’t draw too heavy a connection to the fact that the kids are in the public school system. My wife and I came from similar middle-class backgrounds and attended similar public high schools in Texas. She drank in high school, I didn’t.
While I agree that kids differ and lines are not always drawn along the homeschool/public school boundary, there is a difference in how kids are perceived in the different camps.
Becky said:
I think many parents, especially institutional school parents … have a certain set of expectations for teens, not limited to alcohol (and/or drugs). One of the biggest ones seems to be about the withdrawal of teens from family life in particular and adults in general, which I’ve watched sadly in my own nieces — it seems “natural” to expect them to become surly, snarly, and silent around adults, not to want to spend leisure time with their families. And once a family has this expectation, whether it’s the drinking or the withdrawal, it does seem to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is what I was alluding to in that drinking post. Not by any means that parents of traditionally schooled kids are consciously causing their kids to drink. I think it’s more of a cultural mind set. When these parents see that everyone else at school has a cell phone, it’s harder to deny that privilege to their own kid. Likewise, when they see that everyone else at school is drinking, there comes the expectation that their kid too will fall into that trap, like it or not.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told to “just wait” until my kids become teens because all sorts of attitude will emerge. Maybe this is the first step in conformation to the crowd, the self-fulfilling prophecy - parents dole out warnings about dire behavior, and the next parent hears it so often that s/he begins to believe and accept it as normal, which in turn makes the first parent feel like the dire behavior is normal.
I think this is where homeschooled parents in general differ from those of traditionally schooled kids. Parents who homeschool have a tendency not to just accept that our kids fit the one mold. We’ve already bucked the system, dealt with unsupportive family members, discovered new ways to solve old problems. We’ve tried to provide an alternative type of education; why not provide an alternative kind of lifestyle, where kids are free to be themselves beyond the expectations of the crowd?
This is not to say that parents whose kids are in a more traditional setting can’t provide an alternative to the norm. I just think it’s much, much harder to do so when the people you and your kids are surrounded by on a day to day basis believe that there’s only one “normal” behavior.
Teens and Drinking
I spent one day this weekend with friends whose kids are in the public school system. Over glasses of wine, the discussion turned to our kids. I listened as these parents expressed their expectations of trouble in the future of their teens, specifically teenage drinking. I was surprised that these parents took for granted that this would be an issue. But then, with peer pressure in the schools, maybe it is? I certainly know what my own high school years looked like in public school.
I wonder if by assuming that teens will start drinking as teens, parents are feeding the possibilities? I don’t expect my kids not to drink. But I also don’t automatically assign the problem to them just because they are teens, as if the only possible answer to the equation is teens = drinking. Each child differs in personality and every choice will be different. For instance, my eldest - a teenager - has expressed an interest in being like his uncle who has never had a drink in his life. I think that’s a pretty unlikely scenario, but I haven’t discouraged him. We are very clear with both of the boys that while drinking alcohol is not taboo, driving after drinking is - regardless of age. They also know what the legal drinking age is (21 in CA).
As parents, we’ll do our best, as most parents do, to be aware of any trouble with the kids and even keep our eyes open for possible consumption of alcohol. But I won’t assume that it will become a problem just because they’ve reached a certain milestone. Is it naive of me to think that teenage drinking is not automatically a given? Thoughts?
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Edited to add this link to Miranda’s post on this topic.
Father Damien achieves Sainthood
If you don’t know who Father Damien is, I highly recommend that you read The Colony. It’s a fascinating account of the development and interment of people afflicted with Hansen’s Disease (otherwise known as Leprosy) at Kalaupapa on Molokai. The saga is fully researched but reads like a novel. Father Damien was the heroic soul who took charge of caring for many of the people who were exiled from their homes and sent to live on the remote Hawaiian island.
The Vatican has elevated him to sainthood, based on the premise of two medical miracles. The article does not state what those miracles are, but I’m highly curious. Also, I had no idea that the church still collects relics! Relics of saints played a large part of pilgrimages during the medieval era, but they’re still collecting body parts today??
I’m no Catholic, and while I don’t know if he was a Saint, Father Damien surely deserves to be honored for his selflessness. He’s pretty revered in the islands, but this accolade may bring his story to the rest of the world.
