I have an essay out in the current issue of Live Free, Learn Free magazine. It’s one I wrote a number of years ago about my continual struggle with balancing my kids and their activities with life and the need for silly things like clean socks. When I sent the essay to Shana, I didn’t give any thought to “updating” it. After all, my kids may be older, but I’m still balancing just as precariously!

The other day, I was surprised to find in my inbox a message from Sandra Dodd. Turns out, there was one thing that I really should have updated.

Sandra wrote:

I just read your article in Live Free Learn Free, and enjoyed it.

On this: “All too soon, they will hit puberty and decide that I am the most embarrassing person they know”

I wanted to say that I used to think too that when my kids were teens they wouldn’t want to hang out with me at all, but that turned out not to be the case.

Ah, yes. So true. When my kids were younger I thought that when they hit puberty they’d do the expected, the thing I did, and want to distance themselves from me. Now, my oldest is nearing 14 and it’s just not happening.

Sandra has found the same to be true:

Yesterday Holly (14) and I went out with a mom and her son (18?) from another state, to dinner and shopping in Old Town. We had only met that afternoon, and neither of the kids seemed at all hesitant to interact with us. We joked, shared drinks, sat close on small benches, and came home to my own two older teenaged boys (17 and 19) who were glad to see us, and had been waiting for the other boy to return so they could all go out (with Holly and four other homeschooled teens) to play video games.

The desperation to get away from adults and be with other teens that I expected hasn’t happened. What I thought was a natural part of growing up seems now, from the perspective of unschooling teens, to have to do with school and not puberty itself. COOL!!!

My oldest actually enjoys spending time with me and his dad, and will often request our presence during outings: “Dad can’t come that day? Let’s wait until he has a day off.” How sweet is that?

And, contrary to popular opinion, I’m enjoying HIS company - and that of his 11 year old brother - immensely. The boys are a joy to be around as their sense of humor becomes more adult-ish, and the conversations we have are so honest.

I’ve seen this not just in my own kids, but with other homeschooled teens I know as well. These kids are perfectly content to spend time together, gathered as a family. In part, I think this is due to the parents’ acceptance of the kids in the conversation. The kids have never been “shooed” out of the room; they’ve been welcomed to the fold so to speak, and as long as the adult conversation doesn’t bore them to tears, they will often hang out. Again, it’s the lack of age discrimination. Just as kids will play with a wide range of ages, so too will they spend time with and talk to a wide range of ages – including adults.

Something else I’ve seen from homeschooled teens is a lack of self-consciousness about expressing their feelings toward their parents. My own kids are comfortable hugging me in front of their friends, and I’ve seen the same in other families. I’ve even heard homeschooled teens say, “I love you” to one or both parents. Wow.

It seems that homeschooling builds a foundation for long-term family relationships in which parents don’t automatically become akin to the plague as soon as kids enter their teens. As Sandra so aptly put it, COOL!